Our familiar, nine-race schema offers a great deal of insight into the modern world, and the human race as a species, but within each race there are also subgroups and populations that deserve their own consideration. As we have seen in previous chapters, groups like the Japanese and the Chinese can be very different from each other, even though they exist within the larger Oriental race.

By “sexual races,” I don’t mean the naked crabwalk that couples do every summer at Hyannis. I’m talking about ethnicities that are determined by characteristics related to sexuality, rather than country of origin or skin color. I am speaking, of course, about Gays, Lesbians, and Women.

It is surprising that anthropologists have not chosen to classify women as an entirely different species, since they are essentially biologically different from all other humans. They are smaller, on average, than a normal person, with wider hips and larger breasts, and their hair tends to be longer and nicer smelling.

Some women are able to pass for men, just as light-skinned blacks once tried to pass for white, but women like Brandon Teena and Hillary Clinton are the exception, not the rule.

These short, curvy creatures may sound like something out of a child’s book of oddities, but they’re more common than you think. And their outward appearance isn’t even the strangest aspect of a woman’s anatomy. That would be the genitalia. A woman’s pudendum does not protrude at all, and is actually concave, forming a cavity within her body. It is almost the inverse of a normal human penis.

Female genitalia are, without question, gross, but they can also be dangerous. Without proper care and treatment, a woman’s genitals can bleed as often as once a month, and for as long as a week at a time, which is enough to kill most people. The best way to handle this kind of bleeding is for the victim to be sequestered in a tent for the entire length of the ordeal.

Aside from their biological abnormalities, the biggest difference between women and normal humans is that women are sexually attracted to men. This highly unusual socio-sexual inclination is one of the main reasons why women are second-class citizens in our society. Even if they’re doing the exact same work, someone who is attracted to men doesn’t deserve to earn as much money as someone who isn’t.

Like most minorities, women have their own confrontational, mediocre art and literature. Most of it reeks of sour grapes, and what doesn’t come from bitterness tends to be borderline pornographic, like the paintings of Georgia O’Keefe or the sculpture of Eva Hesse. Which is hardly surprising, coming from a race so physically and emotionally perverted. I dare anyone to look at those so-called objets d’art and not get an erection.¹

That’s not to say that women are necessarily “bad.” They are simply “different” and “less than.” There have been many great women over the years: performers like Jenna Jameson, Tera Patrick, and Linda Lovelace, politicians like Abigail Adams, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Ladybird Johnson, and writers like Evelyn Waugh.

Lesbians are an odd case. In appearance, they are like women, except without all the frilly pink outfits and tiaras, but they are less outré than women, because they are not sexually attracted to men. Lesbians have all the physical oddities of the female race, but emotionally they are just like normal human beings.

You might think that this unique orientation would pose a problem for Lesbians in their capacity as breeders, but they have figured out a way around it: borrowing sperm from David Crosby. While the genetic material is somewhat compromised by the presence of David Crosby’s DNA, it is nonetheless a perfectly viable method of reproduction.

Lesbians are hindered in their everyday lives by their abnormal biology, but many have gone on to live ordinary, fulfilling lives. There are Lesbian coaches, Lesbian gym teachers, and Lesbian personal trainers, not to mention Lesbian athletes. Two Lesbians were even immortalized in the film Monster, by the beautiful, non-Lesbian actresses Charlize Theron and Christina Ricci.

Some people talk about “hot, Lesbian action,” as if the sexual congress of two Lesbians is somehow arousing or attractive. As someone who has met several real-life Lesbians, let me assure you that it is nothing of the kind.

Gays are perhaps the most perplexing of all the sexual races. They have normal human bodies, but are somehow sexually attracted to men. Scientists have been unable to explain this unusual phenomenon, but they have determined that being Gay is genetic. Gay is passed down from generation to generation, father to son, even if the bloodline has been diluted by interbreeding with non-Gays. It only takes one drop of Gay blood to make you Gay, just like with blacks.

Gay people have a distinctive, sashaying walk, limp wrists, and a telltale lisp when they talk. They are also known for their love of musical theater, interior design, and fashion, but there is nothing they enjoy more than offensive, outdated stereotypes. Except, perhaps, for cock.

As any normal child learns at an early age, from movies, television, and peers, Gays are terrifying. They are waiting around every corner to corrupt our society and anally rape us. They are morally bankrupt, degenerate outsiders who are condemned by every major culture and religion. In fact, being Gay is probably the worst thing in the entire world.

Of course, being Gay isn’t the same thing as engaging in homosexual behavior, which everyone does in boarding school, college, and grad school. And at parties. That is just natural experimentation, but Gay people are born Gay.

There are other, even smaller populations of sexual ethnicities, which we don’t have space to discuss in detail here. These are races like Trannies, which can really surprise you if you don’t watch out, and Bisexuals, which don’t actually exist.

For a more in-depth look at these sexual ethnicities, including a rare, South African race with dogs’ heads where their genitals should be, I recommend going on your computer and typing “gay sex” into your search engine.

¹ Except, of course, for a woman, because she would be incapable of doing so. [Return to text]