Recipe for Hobo Stew

Tools

• 1 big pot (cast-iron is preferable, but an oil drum or shallow pond will do)
• 1 stirring tool
• 1 plastic bag
• Fire

Ingredients

• 1 bucket of fried chicken bones (any brand)
• 1 satchel-full of watermelon rinds
• 2 1/2 dixie cups of lemon juice, urine, or brine
• 3 avocado pits (or seeds of any kind)
• 1 handful of mayonnaise (or substitute)
• 2 full cats
• 1 boot (leather)
• 1 lobster or 2 crabs or 8 spiders
• 1 cup of beet juice (no substitutions!)
• As much blood as you can find
• 1 gallon of water

Preparation

1. First, mix the watermelon rinds with the lemon juice in a plastic bag.
2. Place in the sun for 3 days. Now you have your curried watermelons.
3. Then, on the day of the stew, open up the bag and add in your mayonnaise, avocado pits, blood, and cats. Seal the bag tightly so they can't escape and place the bag in a river. (Make sure to attach a string, so you can retrieve the bag later!)
4. Then, start your fire. Once it is at full heat, put your water in the cast-iron pot and bring it to a boil.
5. Slowly add your remaining ingredients, starting with the chicken bones, the spiders, and the boot.
6. Now, fetch your picklin' bag from the river -- it should be nice, cool, and not moving around too much -- and dump the contents into the pot.
7. Cover and allow to cook for three hours, or however long it takes you to finish a bottle of Old Crow.
8. Remove from heat and allow to cool for fifteen minutes. Drizzle the beet juice on top, and enjoy!

(Note: any ingredients can be replaced with any other ingredients)