These days, you’ll hear a lot of people saying that “racism is over,” and that “the 2008 election changed everything,” and that “Barack Obama will lead us to a new promised land of milk, honey, and an economy that isn’t based on spectral financial dealings.” Well I’m here to tell you that those people are wrong.  Especially about the honey thing; not even President-elect Obama can bring back our disappearing bees.

And in this new post-post-racial world, what better handbook to see you through the ensuing schism than A Practical Guide to Racism?

A Practical Guide to Racism is available online and in all your finer stores.  Except Harrod’s.  I made a few impolitic comments about “race-mixing with Arabs” and “Princess Di being a whore” at a recent conference.  It’s a long story. 

No, actually, that was pretty much the whole story.

It makes the perfect gift for your friends and loved ones, and those to whom you want to send a message.  (Now, more than ever, the Jews need this book.) And I’m in a lot of debt, so… if you could buy a few copies and even just give them out to homeless people or something.  God I need this.  I thought, hey, in these uncertain times, what better to fall back on than the manufacturing sector, right?  Right?!?  Oh God, they’re gonna break my thumbs.

Well, that’s all I wanted to say this week.  Now get back to decorating the old Jesus Christ Tree, and don’t forget: this Christ-Mass, give the gift of racism.