Hello. How are you today? I am fine.

I’m sorry if I seem less than enthusiastic this week, but I’m recovering from a dreadful hangover. They don’t call them “Slippery Nipples” for nothing, if you know what I mean.

In any case, there’s work to be done, and I seem to insist on letting these missives slide until the morning they’re due. Perhaps if my Jew publisher would allow me to do them less frequently… but I digress.

Yesterday, I was in line to order at the local college coffee shop, Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa—they used to have my preferred brew waiting for me at 11am sharp everyday, but then Sandra graduated, and apparently a No-Foam Triple Hazelnut Double Espresso Latte with half an Equal and half a Splenda in a to-go cup with no lid is too hard for Chad or Brad or whatever the new barista’s name is to remember—when I saw a young man wearing a shirt with what appeared to be the silk-screened visage of one Ernesto “Che” Guevara.

I stopped the dreadlocked youngster and he confirmed that the t-shirt did, in fact, depict the famous revolutionary. Now, I have always admired Che for his ability to grow a moustache, something that I have never been able to successfully accomplish myself. Nonetheless, he was a sadistic, unbalanced militiaman, who helped to unseat the benevolent, U.S.-backed Batista from his benevolent, peaceful rule.

Thanks to men like Che, the Cubans must now live under Fidel Castro, a monomaniacal dictator, instead of Batista. One can only hope that the Cubans will soon allow us to install another leader, and that he will be as good a president as Batista was.

Needless to say, I was shocked to see Che immortalized so. What’s next, a Mao shoulder bag? A pair of sweatpants with “Mugabe” written across the butt?

Why are we memorializing history’s monsters, when we could be paying tribute to a true revolutionary, a man who stood up against the status quo to fight for what he felt was right? Against all odds, this man rebelled against his oppressors and helped to form a more perfect union right here in the United States. I’m speaking, of course, about Jefferson Davis.

President Davis has the added benefit of being much more handsome and well kempt than Che; I personally would much rather wear a t-shirt bearing his stolid image than that of a scruffy Mexican like Mr. Guevara. Plus, it would go perfectly with my John Calhoun crocs.

Jefferson Davis has gotten a bum rap in recent years, though. It’s just like former Attorney General John Ashcroft told Southern Partisan magazine in 1998: "You've got a heritage of doing that, of defending Southern patriots like Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, and Jefferson Davis… We've all got to stand up and speak in this respect, or else we'll be taught that these people were giving their lives, subscribing their sacred fortunes and their honor to some perverted agenda."

It makes me sick to hear people say that Jefferson Davis and Robert E. Lee were fighting to defend some perverted agenda. These men were patriots and heroes. It’s just like Horace said: “it is sweet and honorable to die for your right to subjugate an entire other race.”

Well, that’s all for this week. I can’t claim to have any influence over young peoples’ fashion choices, but I hope I’ve at least planted a seed. Good day.