Hello, and welcome back to A Practical Guide to Racism. This week I’d like to talk about an issue very close to my heart: robots.

I recently read about a theorist who believes that, one day soon, humans will engage in sexual intercourse with robots. Well, let me just say that I find that disgusting and abhorrent.

Robots were put on this earth to clean, make toast, and form lasting friendships with children. That’s all!

Not to mention the fact that sex with a robot is wrong in the eyes of God. It’s right there in Leviticus:

Thou shalt not lie with a robot as one lies with a woman; it is an abomination. —Leviticus 18:22

Not to mention the fact that it’s just not practical. Have you ever tried being physically intimate with a robot? It’s next to impossible, and extremely uncomfortable. Why, I’d sooner have sex with a Judd other than Ashley!

No, no, no – it’s simply unnatural. Man was put here on this earth to achieve sexual pleasure by natural means: through the touch of a woman, a boarding school classmate, or a Fleshlight. It’s God’s will.

And regarding some recent local statutes: you can pry my Fleshlight from my cold, dead hands, city council!

That’s all for this week. I hope that you’ll take this opportunity to buy a copy of my book. It’s for a good cause – $2 from every purchase goes directly to me, C.H. Dalton.